11 Things You Probably Don’t Understand About Your Friends Who Like To Be Alone


1. It’s (almost) never about you.

Sure, just like everyone else we need some space after a fight, but in general our disposition has nothing to do with you (so please, don’t take it personally). Sometimes it feels rude to be the kind of person who needs to “recharge” after hanging out with people, but fighting it only makes it worse. It’s just the way some people are. I recently read something great about working with your own unique personality instead of wishing it could be different, “Even if we try to conform to ideals and strive for perfection, we will always be pulled back to our core identity because it’s the path of least resistance for our souls – an energy force that wants nothing more than for us to honor and accept who we are and discover what we’re meant to do in the world.”

People who like to be alone can’t magically change just because they really like a friend or the person they are dating. They’ll always need a refuge inside themselves — but they’ll always come back to you when they’re ready.

2. Alone time doesn’t count if we’re not actually alone.

Texting and social media are great, but they can interrupt the limited alone time we have on a daily basis. If we’re texting others and in constant communication, when do we get the time we need to be quiet, to rest, to let our minds wander? Be aware of how often you check in.

3. We’re not bummed out if we aren’t making small talk, don’t tell us we need to cheer up.

Parties can be intimidating activities, we’re happy to come sometimes but we need to go at our own pace. This means we aren’t likely to jump in with both feet and be laughing and talking like the life of the party right away. We warm up person by person, that doesn’t mean we aren’t having a good time. In general, don’t worry about us, we know how to be responsible for our own feelings, we’ll figure out how to have a good time whether it’s having a nice, long conversation with one person in the corner, or dutifully making the rounds before escaping to something more our speed.

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